It’s a phrase we regularly come to dread, keep away from or worry—particularly in terms of saying it to your boss. However what if a no now would possibly truly create a sure later? It would even be the spine precept of setting wholesome boundaries within the office, and also you is perhaps shocked what number of instances the phrase no would possibly open doorways you by no means anticipated.
Why no will get a nasty rap
Your first publicity to no was in all probability in your childhood when your family members used it to guard you from exterior forces that would trigger you bodily or psychological hurt. However as we age, the connection with the phrase can usually lead us to need to keep away from tough conversations with our bosses and colleagues.
“From a psychological standpoint, the discomfort round saying no is usually linked to people-pleasing tendencies, which stem from a worry of disappointing others or being seen as insufficient,” says Ann Monis, CEO and a scientific and forensic psychologist at Medical Anti Aging. “That is widespread in excessive achievers who tie their self-worth to exterior validation.”
Monis explains that our mind registers rejection as a menace, resulting in that fight-or-flight feeling we get once we assume our no would possibly result in disappointment from others or a poor final result. The sensation can enhance nervousness and as Monis factors out, “[make] it really feel bodily uncomfortable to say no, even in conditions the place it’s fully affordable.”
“Many individuals are wired to imagine that saying no is the same as rejection, or failure,” she says. “That worry comes from deep-rooted beliefs tied to approval, authority dynamics and even childhood experiences.”
The assumption that utilizing the phrase no alerts a failure actually isn’t restricted to america workforce.
“I used to assume saying ‘no’ at work was dangerous, such as you would possibly get labeled as complicated or not a group participant,” says Tetiana Burda, CAO on the soft-development firm Syndicode in Portugal . “Once I was main HR, I noticed this worry on a regular basis. Individuals would overload themselves, comply with unimaginable deadlines and tackle work that wasn’t theirs to keep away from disappointing somebody. And to be trustworthy, I did the identical.”
Then she had a turning level the place she stopped agreeing to all the pieces to show her price.
“I used to be dealing with HR, juggling 1,000,000 issues, after which got here the basic, ‘Tetiana, you must also tackle this extra undertaking.’ The previous me would have nodded and figured it out at 2 within the morning. As an alternative, I mentioned, ‘I’d love to assist, but when I take this on, I received’t be capable to dedicate sufficient consideration to my present duties. Which one’s the precedence?’” Burda says. “That was the second all the pieces modified. As an alternative of being seen as somebody who simply mentioned ‘no,’ I used to be seen as somebody who thought strategically. And humorous sufficient, that shift led to extra important obligations, actual ones, not simply further work.”
Making your no as simple as sure
Whereas the phrase no won’t be a favourite or most utilized phrase in your vocabulary, consultants remind us that it is among the most vital to grasp, particularly for setting wholesome boundaries at work.
“The flexibility to say no at work is finally about self-management and long-term career growth,” says Tim Brown, founding father of the Hook Company in Minneapolis. “Essentially the most profitable professionals are those that know learn how to steadiness their workload, prioritize successfully, and talk boundaries in a means that builds respect.”
So if no is so tough for many people to say, how can we even start to set these boundaries? Consultants say it begins with rethinking what no actually means.
“As an alternative of viewing it as a rejection, see it as an act of self-preservation and strategic decision-making,” says Monis. “A strong reframe is: ‘Saying no to at least one factor means I’m saying sure to one thing else that aligns with my targets and well-being.’ This shifts the narrative from worry of penalties to confidence in prioritization.”
Brown says if a deliberate no makes you too anxious, think about different methods you would possibly reframe your response, as an illustration:
- Begin by acknowledging the request through the use of phrasing like, “That appears like an fascinating undertaking…”
- Present context: “…however I’m at the moment targeted on assembly a deadline for [another task].”
- Provide some alternate options: “Would it not be useful if I assisted another way or revisited this at a later time?”
“This fashion, you’re not simply saying no—you’re exhibiting that you just’re considerate and dedicated to delivering high quality work,” he says.
For these simply beginning out on their job journey, Brown admits that it is perhaps simple to make use of sure as the best way to remain related, however it may possibly simply result in overcommitting and burnout. As an alternative, he says deal with saying sure to alternatives that align with your individual targets or expertise you want to develop, and actively work to “say no to duties that overextend you or diminish your efficiency on higher-priority obligations.”
When the phrase no creates room for a sure
For Paige Bennett, director of experiential advertising and marketing at Awardco, a rewards and recognition platform in Lindon, Utah, no made it attainable to say sure to one thing higher.
“Early in my profession, I mentioned no to a promotion,” she says. “On paper, it was an incredible alternative, however I knew it wasn’t the precise match for what I wished to do and the place I wished to go. As an alternative of speeding into management for the sake of development, I targeted on growing the abilities I actually wished. That call allowed me to step right into a management function later, one which aligned with my strengths and passions.
“At first, it was intimidating to inform my leaders no,” she provides. “I nervous about how it could be perceived and if it could influence future alternatives. However I by no means regretted it as a result of it finally led me to the place I’m now, a spot the place I really feel fully at peace with my profession path.”
She provides that her leaders expressed a deep respect for her determination. “Some have even reached out years afterward LinkedIn to say how a lot it impressed them and the way proud they’re of the place I’m at this time. That have bolstered for me that success isn’t about taking each alternative—it’s about taking the precise ones.”
Photograph by Raushaun_films/Shutterstock.com
